Just Listen

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I had an epiphany about my four year old son last night. He was over tired, and over sugared, because you know it was Halloween. Around bed time he started to throw a tantrum because he did not want to go to bed. He lost any bedtime privileges and was sent immediately to his room. Then he really started crying, but it wasn’t an angry cry. It was a sad confused cry, and my instincts kicked in that what he needed was to be comforted, not to be disciplined. I’m not saying this is what you should always do. There are definitely times when a tantrum should not be tolerated or given into. I wasn’t giving into him either. He was still going to bed, because IT WAS bed time.

I walked in, and found him rocking himself on the glider that is in his room, he was bawling. It was loud, and the kind of crying that makes me want to hide under a blanket in a closet somewhere. I told myself that I could do this, and so I sat down on his bed. I didn’t say anything. I just waited, and looked at him. He finally calmed himself down, but then started up again. Except this time he got up and threw himself into my lap. He wrapped his arms around me, and put his little head on my shoulder.  I continued not to say anything, and just wrapped my arms around him, and rocked him. He finally calmed down, and asked me where his daddy was. I told him he had gone to bed, and he didn’t say anything more. He ended up putting his head back on my shoulder, and then was out within minutes.

All this to say I’m glad I trusted my instincts. He was just overwhelmed with all the festivities that Halloween had brought that day, including school.

So my epiphany; it was that sometimes you don’t say anything, especially when you’re angry. Sometimes you have to put your big girl pants on, and realize you’re dealing with a little person. That’s full of feelings that they don’t quite know how to deal with. So sometimes you go in, and you wait for them to calm down. Then you listen to them, and you comfort them.

You just love them.

 

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How I Feel About Being a Stay At Home Mom

I read a lot of articles and satire articles about what it’s like to be a stay at home mom. I am one so therefore I relate to them. 

They are often about how it’s tiring and rewarding all at the same time. That 4PM is kind of an evil hour, and it’s a “please bring me some wine hour”. I don’t really like wine unless it’s Rosé. If the day has been kind of bad then I’m more of a “please bring me some Red’s Apple ale, or Rum and Coke.” More likely though I’ll just beg to check out early, and go to bed at 7:30 PM. I’m always happy when my husband walks through the door regardless of how the day went though, probably a little bit more on bad days.

Then this morning I was lying in bed dozing before I actually had to get up. It’s that magic hour where everything is quiet, and I don’t have to quite get myself going. As I was lying there I suddenly thought to myself, “I like being home.” I’ve always liked being home. It’s something a lot of people don’t understand. I don’t actually care if I don’t make it out the door on some days. I don’t feel crazy if I don’t talk to an adult until almost 6pm.

If I weren’t a stay at home Mom I’d still want a job where I had to do very little interacting. In fact the job I had before I had my son I spent most of it behind a computer monitor, and most of my conversations were via email. I wasn’t fond of that job, but I liked that I had very little interaction with the public. It was all interoffice, and I absolutely loved my coworkers. I was good at it too, and so that also made me feel good about it. At the end of the day though, I’d rather be at home in my pajamas.

.There are days where I am running around doing errands, going to the gym, house chores, playing with my kid, and sometimes I’m just present with him. I always shower at night, and so I don’t fall into the non-showering spectrum of being a stay at home mom. Then there are those days where I really do watch TV all day because I’m exhausted.

I like being a stay at home mom. It’s hard. I complain a lot. Especially when my kid has turned into a threenager in more ways then one. (I.E. the power struggle with a toddler is real.) It is tough. Some days end in crying. Some days as I said before end early and I go to bed at 7:30 because I can’t imagine facing the day any more. Some days can be wonderful. Some days are full of good conversation. They are full of laughter, and end with a good book, movie or This Is Us. I write all the different kinds of days down in my journal. It’s good to have the bad so you can appreciate the good. It helps to see what you can truly be grateful for.

If I were to really get down to the nitty gritty of it all, being home is easier on me for my generalized anxiety disorder. I knew a long time ago I wanted to be a stay at home mom if it was ever going to be possible. It is hard to be a mom with anxiety and some times depression. I’ve learned how to function with it, but it can still be hard.

I tried working part time while being a mom, and I found I was more stressed and anxious.  It wasn’t greener on the other side for me. I felt like I was missing things with my just turned one year old. He was learning so much, and I wanted to be there.  So we made the decision that I would go back to being home with him. It was the best decision I ever made for myself. I wouldn’t change it.

I don’t just like being a stay home mom. I love it, even with all the hardships that come along with it.